Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in brother_monk's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, January 7th, 2006
8:31 pm	Confucius You two would probably really get along! Founder of Confucianism "If a man withdraws his mind from the love of beauty, and applies it as sincerely to the love of the virtuous; if, in serving his parents, he can exert his utmost strength; if, in serving his prince, he can devote his life; if in his intercourse with his friends, his words are sincere - although men say that he has not learned, I will certainly say that he has." My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 15% on Intuitive You scored higher than 91% on Structured You scored higher than 43% on Mildness You scored higher than 63% on Traditional Link: The Religion Founder You Resemble Test written by Stinkbot on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test Current Mood: eh Current Music: I Will Be Heard ~ Hatebreed (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
5:51 pm	Party Okay so check it out, the party on Saturday (Sept. 24th), as most of you know, is also my birthday party or something like that. But just to let everyone know, aparently there will be a keg and Stu says he will have the bar stocked as well. Cups for the keg will be $5.00 for everyone except me... because I'm not buying a cup on my birthday. Gifts are not expected but are optional and always welcome. I don't need anything from anyone other than someone to chat with when I get drunk and overly talkative...and if any of you were at the Tiki Party... you know I can get overly talkative, so beware... 'cause I will probably be making my rounds on a 15 minute basis again. Hope to see everyone there! And feel free passing the invite on to whoever! Current Mood: calm Current Music: When I fall (live) - Barenaked Ladies (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
12:27 am	Stu was wrong The theme of the party that takes place Sept. 24th will not be unveiled at the neighbors party, it will be advertised at their party by a select few...AND ONLY A SELECT FEW! So once Stu unveils the theme of the 24th (which will be next time he posts... unless he can't figure that out this time) everyone will need to keep in mind that if you come to the neighbors party on Sept. 17 there is no theme to it, so if you show up dressed like you should on Sept. 24th you will simply be looking stupid. But no, you should be given more than a week to come up with your costumes, or at least those of you who care enough about our parties to actually participate (which you should, it makes it that much more fun)... hell, I'm already planning and have been planning (for about 2-3 months) the costume for our next Blood-Feast... and that's still a couple months out yet. So Stu, tell these people what attire will suit them best so that they can show us just how much they really love us! They love us Stu, I know they do. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 22nd, 2005
6:55 pm	Party! So yeah! How much fun did I have this weekend! and yeah, I realize this is my first update since over 5 months ago, oh well... If anyone has any pictures of the party I would like to take a look, let me know. And for all of you out there who did not know, we had our annual Tiki Party on Saturday and so far everyone I've talked to has said they enjoyed themselves. And yes, we finished off the Keg yesterday... needless to say I was... a couple hours late to work today. Scoty was tanked 2 nights in a row. And yes, ha ha ha, everyone laugh at Scoty for he has passed out yet again. Anyway, our houses next scheduled get together will be Sept. 24. This is not to say we won't have people over before then... of course we will, we're crazy bastards, but the next one to have a theme will be Sept 24 so far. And I will leave it to Stu to drop the curtain on our theme of choice inspired by one of the many Birthday kids. Hey Stu, you know why I'm making you tell them don't you? "Look at me, arrrr, my name's Stu". Current Mood: energetic Current Music: Listening to The Impact (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
1:26 pm	SKINDRED!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! Yeah, so what have I done today already with it only being just after 1p.m.? Woke up, went to work, got out for the day at noon, went to see the Skindred concert, came home and am about to go to the house to start... wait, what was it that I just said that is usually not on my Monday afternoon schedule? Oh that's right, I just got back from seeing Skindred at the Temple Club, they did a free concert with Q106, acoustic type, in the lounge atmosphere, not nearly as many people there as I would have expected but we were still for the most part shoulder to shoulder with the people around us. But I showed up late 'cause it started at noon and that's exactly when I got out. So Stu and Bardo got to see the whole thing, they only did 3 songs and talked for a bit, then whole thing lasted about 30 minutes, then they hung out and talked and signed autographs. I showed up to hear the last bit of a story and heard the last song. STILL WORTH IT! They are fucking sweeeeet! And I had nothing for them to sign so I asked them to sign my face but they wanted to find me something I could actually keep to sign so they (all but one) signed a "Reserved Seating" sign Q106 had out there... nothing big, just computer paper, but it's sweet anyways. So, now that that's done, time to get perculating on some drywall. Peace bitches! This is pimp daddy Scoty too Hoty signing off. Tune in next time when we'll have a political debate with George "The Jack-Hammer" Bush and Bob "Limp Willie" Dole, "Bob Dole says I'll kick that chicken liver so hard his grandpapy will feel it in his left ball"... but Bob, what does that really mean? Tune in next time to find out. Current Mood: hyper Current Music: Firing the Love - Skindred (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
6:54 am	Uhhh...yeah, okay. Okay, so yeah, Saturday I was exhausted and Bardo was taking a shower so I was lounging out on the couch (aka my bed) listening to music when I obviously fell asleep since when I woke up it was about 12:30 am. Stu was out at Jay's and Bardo was also gone (at Palace's). So what was I to do at 12:30 in the morning on a Sunday? Well, I did have two 40's of King Cobra... so what better to do then start polishing them off while playing America's Army and sucking at it? So yeah, moral of the story, I've been drinking since 12:30 am and I'm still working on the second half of my last drink for the evening/morning (whichever you want to consider it) so that once it's gone I can finally go to bed. Stu has promised not to wake me up but to let me sleep until I get up on my own, let's see if he follows through with that promise. Good night everybody and I wish you all a very happy and satisfying Sunday! Current Mood: drunk Current Music: Headstrong - Trapt (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
12:30 am	So it's been a crazy week Yeah, it's been a crazy week... but interestingly enough not much has happened other than the one thing I'm not sure I can actually talk about on the LJ yet. So other than the fun and dirty crazy destruction stuff that I can't talk about yet, work's just been work, calling a bunch of the most ignorant sorry as pathetic people you could ever imagine in the entire world trying to get the money that they owe and learning in a single phone call their entire life story only to be thinking at the end of it, OH! Now I remember why I hate you sorry ass bastards that don't take any responsibility for how you have systematically destroyed your own quality of life and instead try to pawn it off on anyone you think you can hold a bullshit-able blame to and defense against... because your parents did it and your raising your children to do the same... because you're fuck heads... sorry, had a long day at work and every call was the same other than that work has had an interesting awkwardness to it because of Melanie and I conversing again, just talk but it's weird because I don't handle the ex and friend thing well, it's a torch that seems to go out quick... as I'm sure it will with her due to that awkwardness... so yeah, that's been weird... and also since this week.... let's see, OH, and I also realized this week that I am a complete and utter failure to myself and I can't think of a single part of me or my actions that I like... so that was a fun realization. So I'm turning my head into a repair shop and am basically going to be dissecting everything about me, figure out what parts I don't like and figure out how to fix the problems and hopefully still be able to put myself back together, otherwise I'm gonna be really messed up for a while... so good luck to me, God knows I didn't do to well with the Escort or the Rodeo... and I'll be damed if I even try it with my new one... and goodnight everybody, I work early in the morning thanks for tuning in... and next time we'll have midgets dressed up like angels Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Bad Case Of Broken Heart - The Ataris (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 27th, 2005
7:04 pm	I am board and these seem to be the only thing I post anymore First best friend: Crystal Holcomb First car: 1991 Ford Escort Pony First kiss on the lips: Sorry to say it was Amanda Dugner First real kiss: Probably... damn, her again First break-up: That wasn't done by note? Cheri Corr, Still wonder how her life's turned out First screen name: Frauthy First self purchased album: Green Day - Dookie First funeral: Porter's Mom's funeral First pets: First family pet that wasn't a fish was Peaches, but my own first pet was Freak... my puppy I had to get rid of. First true love: Becky First enemy: Lindsey Braverman First big trip: Mesa AZ to see my grandma and step-grandpa (jack ass fuck who died while we were visiting) First music you remember hearing in your house: Beach Boys L a s t s Last car ride: Home from working on our new project Last kiss: Months ago, I can't remember it but I know it was with Melanie because I haven't kissed anyone since I left her Last good cry: I don't remember but I think I was drunk and thinking about stuff Last movie seen: I'm not 100% sure but I think it was Hero Last beverage: my 40oz of OE Last food consumed: Pancakes and More from Theo's Last crush: I currently have a crush on almost every ex I've had within the last 6 or 7 years so why even list 'em all? Last phone call: Eric Last time showered: about 45 minutes ago Last shoes worn: My Army boots Last item bought: My 40oz of Olde English and a Three Musketeers bar R e l a t i o n s h i p s Who are your very best friends? Bardo and Stu Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No F a s h i o n | S t u f f Where is your favorite place to shop? Everywhere, I'm not satisfied with one store, I need different items from different places Any tattoos or piercings? Nips are pierced, then I have "Christ" on my right forearm and "Reigns" on my left forearm, then a Sacred Heart on my chest, a huge Ichthus on my back, an Angel coming out of flames wielding a sword and offering his hand on my left bicep and the grim reaper wielding a siccle and offering life ending pills on my right bicep... but not done yet. S p e c i f i c s Do you do drugs?: Sometimes What kind of shampoo do you use?: Herbal Essance What are you most scared of?: Finding someone who actually will stay with me forever What are you listening to right now?: The Chase Theory's Pennies for Postcards Where do you want to get married?: Do I want to get married? How many buddies are online right now?: 12 What would you change about yourself?: Everything... honestly I wouldn't keep a single thing the same except my look...physically, wouldn't change that... But would love some rewiring. F a v o r i t e s Color: blue Food: McChicken's from McDonalds Boys' names: Tylor Girls' names: Jennet Subjects in school: Math Animals: Penguin Sports: Golf, Frisbee Golf, Bowling, Pool, Climbing Perfume: Pear Fantasy (body spray you can get a meijer) Cologne: Hugo Boss, Tommy and Nautica H a v e | Y o u | E v e r Smoked? Every day Made yourself throw up?: Nope Skinny dipped?: Nope Been in love?: Yes Fallen for your best friend?: Yes Been rejected?: Fuck yeah Rejected someone?: yep Used someone?: I don't think s....Yes, I have Done something you regret?: Most assuredly C u r r e n t Clothes: Torn up jeans, black sweater with high neck and my watch and leather band wrist thing Music: Now it's Survivor by Fifteen Make-up: Nope Annoyance: house to myself Smell: cold Favorite Artist: Don't have one, just as long as it's punk Desktop picture: Just some desk top thing with tile looking things DVD in player: Say Anything (I think it's still in there) L a s t | P e r s o n Hugged: I don't remember You IMed: Becky Wycoff A r e | Y o u Open Minded: Yes, I'd like to think so Arrogant: I think too low of myself to be arrogant I think. Interesting: No Moody: Sometimes Hardworking: Yes, usually Organized: So long as I'm starting with a clean area it will stay that way Healthy: I hardly eat and when I do it's usually junk, I smoke a pack or more a day, I do random drugs sometimes, I drink from time to time, I go through 6 20oz bottles of soda a day when I drink soda... but surprisingly enough, yes, I'm healthy. Attractive?: I don't think I'm butt ass ugly but I don't think I'm that great either Bored: bored, no, boring, yes Responsible: Sometimes Obsessed: Only with people Angry: On the inside, but only with myself Sad: On the inside and when it's really bad, on the outside too... and that's usually all the times Disappointed: No Hyper: Not hyper but could be very soon Trusting: Sadly yes Talkative: Only if I know you and am not being extremely stupid that day Legal: Yes, I'm legal W h o | D o | Y o u | W a n n a Kill: Martha Stuart Slap: Martha Stuart Look Like: No one else... I just wanna be me Talk to Online: Jesus W h i c h | I s | B e t t e r Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi Flowers or Candy? Candy Tall or Short: I don't care, if they're not short they're taller than me, but that's okay too Thick or Thin: Are we talking thighs? 'Cause those I like THICK!!! Long or Short: I'm short... since there isn't a single way that I am not short R a n d o m in the morning i am: waking up for work? all i need is: Money and no debt are you a virgin? No what do you notice on a person first: Eyes last person you danced with: I don't know I haven't danced in years worst question to ask to a crying person: "Just heard about John Lennon?" who makes you laugh the most: what mood am I in? who makes you smile? Chicks who gives you a funny feeling when you see them? Naked Chicks D o | Y o u | E v e r sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you? No wait to see if i don't IM someone first if they will IM me? I have wish you were a member of the opposite sex:? Nope wish you were younger: Nope N u m b e r of times i have had my heart broken: Every time it was put on the line of hearts i have broken: uhhh... usually every time one is put on the line I end up breaking it of guys i've kissed: None of girls i've kissed: uhh... probably 15 of continents i have lived in: 1 of tight friends: 2 of cds i own: No idea Current Mood: blank Current Music: Bad Case Of Broken Heart - The Ataris (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 21st, 2005
9:10 pm	Another one of those stupid servey things that I dispise, so why do I do it? because I'm board The \\ Last Cigarette: about 45 seconds ago Last Alcoholic Drink: yesterday at about 5:15pm Last Car Ride: 5:02 pm - 5:14pm (the drive home from work) Last Kiss: I can't remember anymore Last Good Cry: the drive to work from Porter's mom's funeral Last Library Book: uhh... it was a book of romantic poetry Last book bought: A Christian book about fixing a numb heart Last Book Read: all the way through? whatever I read last in HS Last Movie Seen in Theatres: um... I think it was Blade Trinity Last Movie Rented: Chronicles of Ridick Last Cuss Word Uttered: Fuck Last Beverage Drank: Mountain Dew LiveWire Last Food Consumed: It's been so long I don't remember, dinner lastnight Last Crush: I will plead the fifth for a couple interesting reasons Last Phone Call: my Mama Last TV Show Watched: South Park (lastnight) Last Time Showered: last night Last Shoes Worn: my shiney Army Class-A shoes Last CD Played: Skindred Last Item Bought: a carton of Newports and 2 Mountain Dews Last Download: It was during summer so I can't remember Last Annoyance: having bills Last Disappointment: love Last Soda Drank: Mountain Dew LiveWire Last Thing Written: "Mountain Dew LiveWire" Last Key Used: " Last Words Spoken: "this is getting rediculous" Last Sleep: I don't remember when it started, but it was 'til 7:12am this morning Last Ice Cream Eaten: chocolate I think Last Chair Sat In: this one Last Webpage Visited: http://www.kwiz.biz/simplesurveys/do-survey.php (this one) CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! So yeah Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me by that little bunny (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 8th, 2005
1:13 am	I'm pretty dirty I'm less than 50% dirty so I can still play off the "I'm more good than not" card... but 49% dirty is pretty dirty. I scored 51% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test! Take the test here! Current Mood: bored Current Music: Thanks That Was Fun - Barenaked Ladies (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 6th, 2004
8:05 pm	Toss that lesson out like a pair of soiled breifs You know what I have realized? Every shitty situation you find yourself in, is a lesson to be learned. When you get hurt by someone there's a lesson in it. When you do something stupid and have to pay some pretty pricey consequences, there's a lesson to learn from in it. And I am and have been in one of those situations for the last 5 years. So after 5 years have I finally learned the lesson? Yes I have. What is the lesson? It is as follows... think carefully before you let your emotional instability screw up a relationship that you're in, because it is very likely that the relationship you're allowing yourself to screw up is a very sincere and true one... and you'll end up regretting it for a very long time. Now did my emotional instability screw that relationship up? No, it did not... and I think that's the only relationship that has not been screwed up by my fucked up head. But at the same time... after the relationship ended and we were doing the friends thing... my emotional instability screwed up the friendship so badly that it was hardly recognizable... a number of times... and has yet to fully recover. So what am I going to do about that lesson that I have finally learned? Am I going to apply it to my next relationship? Am I going to apply it to one of the last relationships I've screwed up and try to make amends? No, none of the above... I will continue the path that I'm taking, because I'm screwed up. She is my lesson, her presence in my head, my inability to get over her, my dreams about her, the pictures I find randomly of her and I... all saying "a lesson learned, don't screw it up or you will screw it ALL up" but all I keep thinking is "if only I could get that back, what is it that I have to do to get that back? Do I have to move? I'll move. Do I have to change schools? I'll change schools. Do I have to shave my beard and buy back that shitty 1991 Ford Escort Pony? I'll find it and could probably buy it back for $25.00." Now, I ask you, does this solve anything? No, it doesn't. Does it put me in any better situation then I have been in? No, not a bit... but at least now I understand where I'm screwing up and how much I am missing the point. It's not like I don't see the grand scheme of things, it's not like I don't understand that I'm wasting my time, it's not like I'm blind to it all. I understand that I will NEVER have her back in my life, I have brought myself to the comfort level of being able to handle that and accept that... but I am very content sitting here anyways, daydreaming that it's not this way. Imagining that some random act of chance/fate/destiny/God's will, will bring the two of us together somehow in some story book happy ending. Am I aware that it won't ever happen? Yes, but personally I'd much rather live in the lesson and pray that the outcome may be my own, then learn the lesson and always be afraid that I'm allowing myself to settle into a relationship that was NOT that one. Has it been brought to my attention that I may be remembering the relationship a little more perfect than it was? Yes, it has been pointed out to me and my response was that I didn't have enough time with her to screw it all up. Was it perfect? Maybe not. Would it have continued as flawlessly as I can imagine it would have? Probably not. But I can tell you this, memories fool you, memories are not 20/20, that is true. But my love her for... that's not something that I'm making more perfect than it was... my love for her WAS perfect. I have never loved anyone as truly, as passionately, as wholly and as purely as I loved her... as I still do. So has Scot learned something new? Yes, he has. Will Scot use his findings to better future relationships? No he won't. Why not? Because the slightest thought of me being with her and holding her in the most amazing hug known to man... is better than actually physically being in a relationship with ANYONE that isn't her. I know, I'm a loser, and I probably sound like a crazy psycho who needs a restraining order placed on him... but I'm not. I just really love what we had and am more happy with the memory of what her and I did have than what someone else and I can have... if not, why would I be still caught up in the thought of her rather than any of my ex's or ex-fiance? Because none of them held a candle to her... not a one. And I'll be hard pressed to find one who does... I've looked. So is Scot then, still miserable and depressed about it? Nope, not at all... what's the point of having these great thoughts and memories if you're just going to let yourself be sad about them... holy shit... Scot just made break through #2... I'd better stop before I fry my brain. And remember everybody, if you can't find true love you always have the hobos living by the river under the bridge. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Rain - Breaking Benjamin (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
11:52 pm	Headache Ever felt like repeatedly slamming your head into one of those cement highway dividers? Why? Why not? Current Mood: numb Current Music: Only One - Yellowcard (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 21st, 2004
4:58 pm	Death I'd like to go skydiving today without a parachute... and land on the slide of a children's playground. Why? Why not. Current Mood: angry Current Music: Duality - Slipknot (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 12th, 2004
7:57 pm	Yeah, not in the mood to type right now... BUT... Okay, check this out, today was my first day at GC Services (and therefore it was Matt's too). When we got inside we say that 6 of the 8 people we had our offer meeting with where there... including us. Ha, but oddly enough, when we got back from lunch, only 5 of the 6 people that were there this morning, came back from lunch. Chad said it was the shortest anyone's been employed GC Services, since he's been there at least. So yeah, but was it the dumb anyoneing girl of the group? Nope, it was the dude who had been doing collections for the last 3 years at a bank. It was a fricking cake walk for him... or would have been I guess. Yeah, so that's the word of the day... *Ding*Ding*Ding* The word of the day is: A Fucking Moron Current Mood: blank Current Music: Anything that's depressing (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 28th, 2004
8:25 pm	Do you know what I've realized? I have realized that I haven't written in my Live Journal in a long time. So I just wanted to holler out a thing or two for all the fans out there. All has been well, I'm alive with all limbs and appendages still in place nicely. Going to be working a lot for the next week and a half, my parents just went on a cruise to Alaska, so I'm running the store while they're gone... so I'm working every day from 7 a.m. until 6:30 p.m. or later with no break. It's going to be a rough week. But I also have my last interview thing for G. C. Services on Thursday, so I should find out by the end of the week if I've got the job I've been waiting 3 months to get. So that's cool... but another stress for the week. But other than that everything is pretty good, for the most part. There isn't a thing I can complain about though (other than wanting more money, but who can't), so that's cool. Anyway, I'm going to go do something productive... like pee. Holla atcha Boy... which is Russian for "I will see you latter Lad" Goodnight everybody .... muah hah hah hah... .. . >BOOM< <- ha, ya get it? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: When All is Said and Done - Trapt (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
5:59 pm	Disorder Rating Paranoid: High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: Moderate Antisocial: Moderate Borderline: Low Histrionic: Low Narcissistic: Low Avoidant: High Dependent: Moderate Obsessive-Compulsive: Low -- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: Swallow The Knife - Story of the Year (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 21st, 2004
3:51 pm	"If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal." I don't know why I'm bothering posting this on my Live Journal since there isn't a person in the world who DOESN'T have one person that they can't stop thinking about. But what I find very funny about that fact... is that more often than not if someone is in a relationship, the first person they would originally think of when asked, "is there one person that you can't stop thinking about?" wouldn't be the person that they are in the relationship with. More often than not when you're in a relationship you're not really worrying about thinking about that person a lot, but there usually will be someone you do think about when you're already in a relationship with someone else that you may try and try to not think about and to just forget about. Since people usually feel guilty about that (them thinking about a person whom isn't their sugnificant other), the first person who comes to mind when asked if there is someone you can't stop thinking about is that person whom you are not in the relationship with, because when you think about them you feel somewhat guilty, and therefore, you try to stop thinking about them and cannot. So when asked if there's someone you can't stop thinking about, they are uaually the ones that initially come to your mind... then most say alloud, "Oh yeah, I can't stop thinking about my girlfriend/boyfriend", which usually means, yeah, I keep thinking about this one ex of mine... or this one girl/guy I always wanted to date, but things never worked out. I don't know why I just felt the need to post this comment, it just popped in my head and I thought it was very true and somewhat ammusing. But yes, there is someone that I can't stop thinking about... that is all. Good day. I SAID GOOD DAY!!!!! (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 20th, 2004
1:56 pm	Life is GREAT You know, I've been missing a lot of hours in work because I can't wake up on time, because I can't ever get to sleep before 3am. But with that set aside, my life has been going really great. Not every aspect of my life, but the vast majority of it. I'm broke, more broke that I have been in a long time, with a new apartment to be paying bills for, gas to buy, little if any food to eat, and bearly getting by on what cigarettes I do have. But I am waiting for a new job to start up, once that one starts I'll at least be on my way to greatness. I need to start getting up on time so that I can get a decent check next Friday so that I can cover my rent and get me some food... but I'll get by, I know I will, I always do. I've been throught financial hardships, relationship hardships, emotional hardships, but I haven't ever come across anything that has demolished all hope. Life goes on and wounds heal, financially as well as physically. I'm going to see KJ-52 this Sunday and am really excited about it. Most of you don't know who KJ-52 is, and many of you wouldn't like him, but I'm a fan. He's a Christian rapper, who raps as well as Eminem but with better lyrics and a more healthy morality. I have 2 of his CDs and one that is him in a rock band called Peace of Mind. The music is outstanding and I'm just really excited to go see him. It will be interesting however, because Tracy's taking me to go see him, Tracy whom I broke up with a couple weeks ago. We're still doing the friends thing, but I know that she still has feelings for me. What makes the whole situation odd is that she got me tickets to this concert before we broke up, as a 10 month anniversary gift... and before our 10 month anniversary I broke up with her. And right after I did so, that same night, she told me that she had gotten me the tickets and was still planning on taking me to the concert if I'd still like to go. So I'm excited about going and seeing that. And hopefully between now and then, or shortly after that, she'll be all over me and I won't have to worry about her trying to talk me into going out with her or anything like that... because I'm really happy where I am. It seems that everyone's life has differant frames, differant sections, where differant things need to occur to better you as a person, differant situations you must find yourself in so that you can work them out and better yourself as an individual emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually. And that is where I find myself in, one of these points of my life where it is time for me to observe myself and my world I live in and make changes, the changes I must make to better myself so that I can remain happy and can continue to make others happy as well. It's really comforting to finally be able to realize that I am in this point of my life, because I know that all the time is mine and all that is done with reguards to me will affect the rest of my life. I have been here before, but I've never been ready for it before. I've always let it consume me, destroy me (temporarally), pick me apart into pieces and I always ended up the same. Bitter, angary, depressed and wanting solitude. So what would I do, I would throw away all of my friends, destroy the relationships between myself and anyone that I knew, including my family. Most of you remember me going through these kinds of changes, mostly when I was in Texas, but also when I left for Tennassee and this last summer. But this is differant, I can use this one to my advantage, I'm really for this one, I'm bettering myself with this one. I can see what needs to happen, but don't quite know what do to about it yet, but I don't fear my not knowing... because when it is time for me to know I will. I'm very relaxed about all of this, for the first time in my life, I'm just really calm and collected. Life is GREAT! Current Mood: optimistic (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 17th, 2004
9:49 am	It has been a crazy past couple of weeks. Time has been flying by way too fast lately and I can't help but fear that this may be the way the entire summer goes. That would be cool in that the time has flown by so quickly because I've been having a blast. But it would be bad in that I don't want my summer to go on by without my being able to actually enjoy it. But then again, I'm not going to be in school this next year probably, so it's not like I'm going to be jumping back into school after this summer and that's what I'm afraid of. I'm going to be working all next year, full time, just like I am planning on doing this summer. So I guess, technically the ending of the summer won't really change my situation until the snow starts to fall again and it begins to be cold, then I will be upset that I wasn't able to enjoy as much of the warmth as I wanted to. Life's been good though, things have been working out well lately, so that is good. Been getting to spend lots of time with my friends and family and the people who actually matter in the last couple weeks, and I love it. It's a nice break from my independant, no one matters to me, I don't need anyone, lifestyle... but instead I'm back into my I love being around people and love being surrounded by my friends lifestyle... though I still don't like meeting new people... 'cause let's face it, everyone knows Scot's shy... awwwww. SHUT UP PUNK! Have a great day!!! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
3:44 am	Insomniac You know, for the last... damn near week and a half I don't think I've gone to bed before 3a.m. more than once. That one time I accidentally went to bed at 7p.m. and didn't wake back up until around 11p.m. I mean, right now for example... it's 3:41a.m. and I'm wide awake and having not much to do... crazy. So yeah, Dave and I moved all in this weekend and the apartment has come along much better than I had figured it would. Defiantly have enough room for all of our stuff and a couple more seating spots for all those beautiful people always around and about. Ah well, I need to go find something to do. Current Mood: awake Current Music: Only One - Yellowcard (Comment on this)